six things nobody tells you about college
When I woke up on the morning of August 23, 2020, I began my day like every other day: I jumped out of bed, I promptly washed my face and brushed my teeth, and continued with all the typical steps of my morning routine. When I finally decided to crawl out of bed and put my feet on the floor that morning, it was something straight out of every coming-of-age film you’ve ever seen; it was the day that my entire life as I knew it was changing. In 24 hours, my mom’s cooking would be replaced with (awful) cafeteria food, and I’d no longer feel her warm hugs when I took a bite of my dinner. In 24 hours, I’d embark on my journey of learning what it means to truly be alive in tandem with an extensive core curriculum.
As a 20-year-old girl who has experienced more than she could have ever imagined since August 23, 2020, I’ve compiled 6 of the most essential lessons I’ve learned in college thus far that don’t come from a textbook.
1. Social media is a highlight reel.
It’s true. Social media was founded on the sheer principle of showing our good moments–and perhaps, only our good moments. While we show our friends and followers that we attended Gov Ball, went to Amity Hall Uptown for brunch last Saturday, or even that we went to that party last weekend, we hide everything else. So, when we constantly see the good moments of others’ lives on social media, how are we supposed to live up to that “standard of life” when we’re locked away in the library reading 3 chapters of a textbook? It’s hard to understand that social media is a highlight reel, but it can be so much harder to 1) not feed into it, and 2) disengage from it.
2. You will miss home…to a degree.
I’m the textbook definition of a homebody. The funny (and heart wrenching) thing about going to college is that, once you leave your house on move-in day, you’ll most likely just be a visitor in the home that raised you. After I began my life at college, it took me so long to realize that it’s so incredibly normal to feel a piece of your heart missing. But, at the same time, we’re all exactly where we’re meant to be. It’s all about embracing change, no matter how much we fear it. The transition to college is like your favorite book: you’ve exhausted that book page by page, highlighted your favorite quotes, annotated the margins, and dog-eared your favorite pages. But every book has a place on the bookshelf, and there comes a point where we need to place our pre-college life onto it, cherishing every word we’ve highlighted and annotated, and then use them to perpetuate us into our next favorite book.
Okay, like, I may or may not FaceTime my mom 3 times a week for the sole purpose of talking to my dogs…
3. Not everyone is going to like you–and that’s okay.
This is something I have really only digested over this past winter break. Why did it take me so long? To put it simply, my whole life has been constructed around the idea of being a people-pleaser, which can be so difficult to grapple with in college. Girls will always be jealous, boys will break your heart, and people will always try to tear someone down who cannot be torn down. College is quite literally a blending of hundreds of students, and that means it’s a blending of hundreds of cultures, norms, standards, and beliefs. There is absolutely no necessity to chase after broken friendships or relationships–what is meant for you will find you, not the other way around. Be proud of who you are, be proud of where you come from, and be proud of where you’re going to go. Once I understood that people enter my life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, I have been able to truly comprehend what genuine friendship is.
4. Everyone else is confused, so relax.
You may think that everyone around you has “it” all figured out. This “it,” though, is entirely individualized, and there’s absolutely no need to play the comparison game between anyone else’s progress and your own. Take a deep breath, you’re doing fine. No one has anything figured out, even if it seems like they do. The amount of LinkedIn connections, internship experiences, and interview offers are important, sure, but the road that guides us to all these opportunities is the most important one. Even though it’s easy to let deadlines and due dates overcome my sanity, I always try as hard as I can to simply exist in the present moment where I focus solely on my own personal goals and accomplishments.
5. You are not defined by numbers
I get it. I was a gifted student in grade school, and the academic burnout is real. I constantly felt as though I needed to prove to others how “intelligent” I am, and I often found that I was overworking myself in incomprehensible ways that consequently damaged my physical and mental well-being (little sleep + high levels of test-induced anxiety = lots of tears). Though you’re at college to learn and be successful, never put work before your health. Your professor will forgive you if you answer a reading comprehension question incorrectly in class–you’re human. Embrace the struggles but refrain from letting them overcome and define you.
6. Being content with loneliness is blissful.
I always interpreted the word “lonely” as having an extremely negative connotation. We live in a culture that craves immediate gratification, and our self-worth is dependent on how many likes we get on an Instagram post. I found myself needing constant stimulation; I never said no to a night out on the weekends, and I always needed to be surrounded by people who didn’t even know my last name. Through the endings of friendships in my college experience so far, I had once spent a lot of time wondering what I had done wrong (number 3 on the list can tell you how I got out of that mental rut). I was chasing after broken friendships and feeling emptier than I had ever felt before. Then one day, everything changed. Suddenly, 2-hour FaceTime calls with my childhood best friend stood in place of my self-doubt on Saturday nights. A Catfish marathon seemingly soothed my soul like Tylenol taken for a headache. So, ultimately, I’ve learned that being lonely is really not that bad. I’ve learned about myself. I’ve learned to love calmness. I’ve learned that it’s okay to actually feel emotions. Plus, I must admit, I love doing my extensive skincare routine on weekend nights. It’s a win-win, right?
Listen, this weird point in time is not supposed to be easy. Like, what’s a New York Times Bestseller without a great character development along the way, right? Your life = a New York Times Bestseller…and you’re the main character, baby.
Love always,
Liv<3